3rd Trimester: Visibility and Invisibility

I’m writing this one day before my due date, and will likely schedule the post to go up ~2 weeks after giving birth. Needless to say, I am anxious. I’ve got a list of “things I can do today” to keep me occupied, and I spent the hours between 4am and 5am bouncing on a yoga ball, wondering if I was going into labor. As this baby grows and gets ready for his grand entrance, he takes up more and more space in my brain. I’m certain that that will never change. 

So back to the beginning. I started my third trimester right around the time I was finishing up Murder on the Orient Express at the ZACH. I was roughly a month into working on A Midsummer Night’s Dream at the high school, a show that was set to go up three days after my due date. For a long time, I figured I would work right up until I went into labor as I’d want something to occupy my brain as I waited out those “is it happening now??” days, but then I ran into a friend emerging from her newborn phase with a very cute, very sleepy 8-week old. She had given birth the day after Christmas, and told the story of how relaxed she was the day before going into labor.

“My whole family was there, my sister was braiding my hair…I just let myself relax.”

Relaxation. Duh. Statistically, most first-time moms go past their due date. My doctor was going to schedule an induction at 41 weeks, and I didn’t really want to be induced, as that can lead to further interventions. I’d much prefer to go into labor naturally, if possible. 

Do you know what isn’t relaxing? Tech week. Or teaching. Or sitting in traffic. My maternity leave plan changed in an instant. I let the school know that my last day would be the Thursday before tech week began and started prepping my assistant director for that inevitability. 

It is very difficult teaching the physicality of Commedia Dell'Arte when you no longer have abs

The next question was of visibility. How would I continue to engage in theatrical culture while growing increasingly heavier and more exhausted by the day? 

If you are trying to make your way in the world as a theatre artist, you have to see shows in your local community, full stop. You are supporting the local arts scene, you are watching out for potential collaborators, and you are learning about yourself and your taste as an artist every single time you sit down in a venue. But I hate to say it, it is so easy to not leave the house to see a play. Ticket costs, parking, late nights, and mediocre productions all factor into not seeing live theatre. I had to constantly remind myself that after the baby, it was going to be even harder. I decided to make a schedule of all of the local shows coming up in Austin and try to see one at least once a week. I didn’t follow my schedule exactly, but I did a fairly good job.

I focused on companies that had shows on weeknights and offered a discounted ticket option. I also prioritized seeing shows in which I knew at least one person in the cast or on the creative team. Here is what I ended up seeing: 

• Yellow Face at Ground Floor Theatre (GFT always does pay-what-you-can!)

• Omnichords Don’t Have Strings at Working Poets (New immersive company in Austin founded by TXST grads) 

• Witch at Hyde Park Theatre (HPT does pay-what-you-can by request on Thursdays)

• Hedda Gabler at Texas State University (Directed by my MFA friend Meagan Codling) 

• The Happiness Gym at the Vortex (Collaboration between TXST and VORTEX, I purchased a discount ticket) 

• Mamma Mia at Bass Concert Hall (I won tickets through Texas Performing Arts for my students and I to see the national tour for free) 

It was actually around The Happiness Gym that I decided to write this blog. The show is an experimental production based on social experiments that are meant to induce joy, and it was a collaboration between the VORTEX and Texas State University. I went on opening night and I knew probably 80% of the cast and 20% of the audience. Not only is the show about creating happiness, I felt joy seeing people from grad school that I had not been able to connect with in a long time, and I got to show off my baby bump. It was there that I realized how important it was to not disappear entirely, and show to emerging theatre artists that it is possible to raise a family and maintain a career as an artist. 

Ironically, Mamma Mia was the last show in my docket. It involved wrangling 20 (very well behaved!) high school students to and from the UT Austin campus. During the performance, I started to feel very consistent Braxton Hicks contractions (aka “practice contractions”) that have not gone away, even as I write this (though I think I’m starting to feel real contractions every so often!). It was also in that week that my physical exhaustion started to reach an all-time high. Getting in and out of cars, turning over in bed, standing up and down, getting into a booth at a restaurant is hard when there is a fully-grown baby protruding from your abdomen. As we got closer to Midsummer tech, I found myself moving slower and slower, until I gladly handed over the reins to co-director Meagan. My body was telling me that it was time to go into hibernation, and I’m glad I’m in a position where I can listen to it and follow its instructions. 

Mamma mia, I am so pregnant in this photo.

Now it's just a waiting game! When will my little munchkin/sprite/train conductor decide to join us? Only he can make that decision (unless my doctor decides to serve him an eviction notice next week.) I suspect he’s far too interested in what I’ve been up to to wait that much longer.